The Story

Apologies for the break in Cait gaming news, but I wanted to post an update regarding my life - I'm engaged! I decided to write about this here because I want an area outside of Facebook that all my family/friends/random internet people can access in case they want to read more about our story.

Our story is kind of long, so here's the TL;DR version:

Nerd meets Nerdette, we date for 6 years, and I finally let him propose.

If you're interested in the full-length version, read on...

The Story of Ed and Cait

Realistically, the story begins in the fall of 2005 in Orlando, FL. Now if you want to get into technicalities, Ed and I actually first met on the internet when I was 15. At that time I was part of the Penny Arcade community (lol) which involved posting on the forums and hanging out in an MSN chat room (double lol). Ed was also an active community member, so we had briefly chatted and possibly (although my memory fails me) played games together online. Really, we didn't have much of a friendship or a connection at the time because I was still a babby and he was 20.

At his parent's house, 2006

Our real story begins in 2005 - I was a sophomore at Virginia Tech embarking on my first internship with Walt Disney World properties, at Epcot. At the time I was in a relationship with another member from the PA community (although by that time they had shot off into their own thing, but that's just semantics). My boyfriend at the time came to visit me while I was in Florida and suggested that we meet up with a few of the community members who were local to the area. I was reluctant at the time but he eventually convinced me to go, and funny enough this is where I met Ed for the first time in person.

A picture we took at one of the gatherings, 2005

All of us had so much fun at that gathering that we decided to get together again. Ed, myself, and a few others wanted to hang out at Downtown Disney for dinner and general shenanigans. We didn't make reservations anywhere and it was a pretty busy night, which resulted in us having to collect buzzers from various restaurants. Eventually, we claimed a spot at Bongos (best Cuban food ever by the way), however, I was stuck with one of the buzzers from the previous restaurant so I turned away from the group to return it (this is going somewhere, I promise). I realized I hadn't really said anything when I snuck off but I figured the group would put two and two together. As I was walking away, I had this strange nagging feeling that Ed was following me. Like, I knew he was behind me and watching out for me. I don't really know how to describe this moment because it was just a strange feeling at the time, like a bond I suppose. Anyway, this feeling prompted me to turn around. Sure enough there he was, with this "what the hell, where did you go" look on his face. I wrote a whole paragraph about this moment because despite how silly it sounds, it's the first time I knew Ed was special to me.

Universal Studios, 2005

Fast forward a few weeks later - I had gotten some free park hopper passes to Disney and didn't really know who to give them to. Everyone I knew in Florida already worked for Disney and none of my family or friends were coming down before the passes expired. On a whim, I reached out to Ed to invite him and a friend to come see the parks. He accepted (who wouldn't?) and brought along his good friend, Matt. We had so much fun and honestly I don't really remember much of it besides me and Matt berating Ed on his lackluster affections for the Carousel of Progress and Spaceship Earth.

At Disney, 2008

Throughout the rest of my internship, Ed and I continued to hang out - mostly eating and watching movies. We had developed a really strong friendship and had this strange but exciting bond that felt like we had known each other forever. It's cheesetacular, but it's true! At the time, I was still in a relationship so obviously we didn't act upon any potential romantic feelings, but we really "got" each other more than anyone else ever had. After my internship ended in Florida, we promised to keep in touch.

Throughout the next year and a half we continued to talk and occasionally visit each other. Ed was my rock and my best friend at the time - helping me through a lot of tough times in school and life in general. He never once tried to "steal" or dissuade me away from my boyfriend, which I thought was a huge hallmark of his character. However, by that time my relationship was fizzling out anyway. We eventually broke up, and I took a break from dating for a while.

I thought really hard about what I wanted in my next relationship that would make things work for the long term. I knew the next step was to be with Ed - we would be fools not to try. I invited him up to see me in April of 2007. Our first kiss was under the arch between East and West Campbell Hall, and the rest is history!

Epcot Parking Lot (how romantic)

The Engagement

Ed jokingly asked me to marry him on one of our first group outings after I recited the Ninja Rap verbatim. So needless to say, he's been wanting to put a ring on it for quite some time. When we did finally get together as a couple I gave him a five year timer in after which period of time I'd probably be ready for marriage. Of course, life had taken us in different directions by the time 5 years had passed - I left Ed and our dog Tali alone in Northern VA while I sorted out my career working for Google in MA. It didn't seem right for us to get engaged when we weren't even sure where we'd be living in three months. Fortunately, my career with Google worked out and Ed was able to move up north with me.

I knew that the proposal would be coming soon but being the little control-freak that I am, I wanted to lay down some ground rules:

1. The proposal had to be a complete surprise to me. Obviously I knew that it would happen eventually, but I love surprises and I wanted the proposal itself to catch me off guard.
2. Kind of tied to #1, I didn't want it to be in a restaurant. Too cliche.
3. It had to be a story. Mostly so when people asked I had something more to say than "oh yeah he just kinda got down on one knee!"

I think those were about it for my requirements although I'm sure Ed has a different story. In any case, the actual proposal came upon my return from vacation with my mother in Ft Lauderdale. I was tired, in sweatpants and hoodie, with absolutely no make up on. Perfect for pictures, right? Ed tells me on the way home that when he was walking Tali this morning he saw some really badass graffiti down by the end of the lake. It was so good that he had to show me in person; he said it was even better than POPPYCOCK.

POPPYCOCK was the best graffiti Ed and I had ever come across. On our commute to work in Virginia we used to drive by a red fence that guarded a McMansion estate. One morning on our drive we noticed that somebody wrote POPPYCOCK in bright white paint, complete with a giant happy-looking wiener on the fence. Sadly the McMansion family painted over it so since then we've just kind of joked about it in passing.

Okay, back to the story - I told Ed that there was NO way any graffiti could beat POPPYCOCK. It was just too damn good. He stopped the car by the path to show me in person, and I couldn't wait. I trudged through the snow in my measly hoodie and got to the end of the path, but there was nothing in sight. I turned to him and asked where this supposed graffiti was, and he pointed to the swing (which had been there for some time, long forgotten by the kids who had put it up). I still had no idea what was going on at this point, but I went over to flip the swing and found a white rose with a piece of paper that said "SURPRISE!" on it. I thought Ed was just being cute, but then I heard You're My Best Friend by Queen playing (our song) so I turned around and to my surprise I found him kneeling! He asked me to marry him and I said yes (obviously)!

Taken right after I said yes

Right after we took the obligatory pics, I told him I was actually kind of bummed that there was no graffiti but that a proposal was obviously better. I guess the lesson here kids is that nothing, absolutely nothing, can beat POPPYCOCK.

The Wedding?

To be honest, we're not really thinking too hard about it right now. I plan events as part of my job at Google so planning my wedding is kind of a chore to be honest (although, a fun one with obvious benefits). Ed couldn't really care less about what we do as long as I show up!

Our thoughts so far are that we'd like a small, practical wedding - meaning, probably not a traditional ceremony and reception. Ideally, we'd like to elope somewhere (we're thinking Ireland at the moment) and have a few close family members with us to witness and celebrate. I'm also toying with the idea of having a big bash before we leave for said wedding destination, most likely in VA as that's where most of our friends and family reside. I'm actually really excited about the possibility of this send-off party - in my head, I imagine catering Chipotle (duh) and having a live band play music while everyone drinks themselves silly. Kind of like a wedding but without the boring parts.

Anyway, that's it for now - enjoy this picture of lego married version of me and Ed!

Going back to the start

I've been sinking into nostalgia lately. It's not just an urge to dust off old games, but to actually feel and experience a certain point in my life. Science says scent is the best indicator for memory, but for me it's gaming. I spent so much time as a kid and teenager with video games that sometimes the only way I can experience my past is to play.

In this past year I've lost a lot of free time and by proxy chances to grow in many different ways. Whether or not it's by choice, I've been consumed by work and I feel it's slowly breaking me down. I've lost a lot of the ambition and heart that I used to have, but mostly my confidence is fading away. I don't know how to explain exactly what I'm experiencing, but I feel like I'm back in high school. Except this time it's not others that are putting me down - it's me. My expectations for myself, for my work, have spun out of control and created insecurities I haven't felt in many, many years.

My solution is to game. Playing games that I used to play when I was younger gives me a sense of release. It brings me back to days when I built a shell around myself, lived in my own little world. By going back to these years, I remember a time when I was slowly building up confidence, not breaking it down. I didn't realize it at the time (nobody does, I think), but by experiencing hardships I was forming character and strength. I was defining my impetus to succeed in this world.

When you put all of your time into one thing, you stop living for everything else. I learned this the hard way. It's taking time to pull myself out - piece by piece, I'm going back to the beginning. I'm re-learning what gave me the drive that lead me to where I am today.

Yes, I write...

...but mostly in my head. I'm sure you get the same thing - when you have this great idea brewing in your head all day, you already know how you're going to start and end your rant, what opinions you have on some topic...until it poofs at the end of a 12 hour work day, or 60 hour work week, or whatever obligations arise. I guess this is why Twitter was invented - to give us the ability to segment out our thoughts before they're lost. I only wish I were more eloquent in that medium instead of posting about Space Jam or Ikea's meatballs.

Ahhh, the two greatest gifts of Sweden

I am however working to slice out time to play games. I know this sounds redundant, story of my life, etc etc but I've decided to start fresh - meaning, no more picking up of games that I've left off over 6 months ago. This is with the exception of Mass Effect 3, which for some unknown reason relating to my readiness rating constantly wavering below 60%, making it impossible for me to beat the last mission without getting the "bad" ending...I could write an entire blog just on this asshattery alone...

Anyway, I'm starting fresh with Uncharted as it's a pretty easy going game (or so I thought) and very quick. After a week I'm already nearing the finish line and I'm ecstatic. Sure, the game can be impossibly hard (even on easy) but it's a delight and a very fun movie in most aspects. I just wish there were more puzzles involved, although I suppose that's a niche most folks don't want their action-adventure movie games to get involved with.

I'm not sure what I'll try next - maybe the next Uncharted, or maybe something low-key. I've already beaten Sound Shapes but that's not really saying much (I think the whole thing took me an hour). Maybe I'll putz around with the level editor or something. In the meantime, I'm working on previewing this neat Indie game I saw at the Boston Festival of Indie Games back in Sept. It should be up on Destructoid in the coming month.   Keep an eye out!

FIRST

As I sit here writing my first game review I can't help but reflect on how far I've come as a gamer, and as a writer. Seriously amazes me that I've been chosen for tasks that I would have died a thousand times over to do as a teenager. My words immortal on a game that matters, at least to some. This is a huge step in a direction that I never thought I'd take 10 years ago.

Working for Google has been the most fulfilling experience of my life, but writing a game review symbolizes a pinnacle for me. The pinnacle of everything I've worked for outside of my career - my gaming life. Nothing has ever stuck with me so long, just as I've never hung onto something this way.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the moment as I experience it - in a few years, who knows, this might be an embarrassingly naive entry. But for now I feel everything is in its right place.

Things, they are a-changin'

ZOMG three months have gone by since I've lasted updated? It's halfway through 2012? TIME, Y U NO STOP FOR ME?!

Seriously though, not sure what's happened. I do know that I'm currently working two jobs at Google, in an attempt to get hired full time. It's been absolutely bananas. I may be moving to Boston permanently soon, like as in less than a month. Sorry to my friends and family who are caught unaware by this news...honestly right now I feel completely unaware.

The full story is complicated, but basically our lease is up July 1st in VA and although our landlord originally was allowing us to push it back to accommodate for my conversion to a full time Google employee (which is still TBD) he took it back the other day. I can't blame him - technically our contract ends July 1st - and it seems like he has a family friend that needs to move in ASAP. But it would have been nice to have more time...especially since Google is very slow moving when it comes to converting contractors to full time employees.

I'm ridiculously scared taking this leap of faith and I was even considering moving back home if things aren't set with Google in the next couple of weeks. Ed however seems to be completely comfortable with the idea of quitting his job and moving up to MA to try something new. He's really my calming force in this whole mess. Worst case, we're both jobless and we have some time to spend together (finally)! Maybe I'd even have time to write more for Destructoid...actually, being jobless doesn't sound so bad when I think about it.

The only constant in my life right now is my show, which is sad and awesome at the same time. I love the fact that I'm "forced" to play video games for four hours on Saturday while people watch. I truly would feel like the worst gamer in the world if it weren't for Weekend Escape...my gaming time itself has escaped me this year. I mean, I'm still halfway through Mass Effect 3 and I meant to beat that weeks before PAX East! Thankfully I wasn't spoiled (too much) during the panel - I'm sure it was kind of funny for other people though as I put my fingers in my ears for certain parts of the discussion.

Here's to updating on a more regular basis, hopefully moving closer to Boston will solve that as I'll have an extra 2 hours or so back in my day. I'm really psyched to have a normal life again! I will miss my home with my Aunt/Uncle/cousins, but I know I'll always be welcome back anytime. And I'll still be close to them which is the best part!

Nowhere to go but up.

PAXity PAX PAX!

PAX East is next weekend and I am VERY EXCITE. This is my very first PAX (surprisingly) and also my first "real" convention (not including MLG) since 2005. I feel old, mostly because I've never had the option to download a guidebook on my phone, follow a twitter account, or start a meet-up to track friends at a convention. Back in the day we used walkie-talkies to communicate (lol) and highlighters to mark points of interest on the programs. Thank god for technology. Now I just hope someone invents a way to force showers upon the nerd masses (unless that problem has also been solved by now, although I very much doubt it).

So although I'm going as press I'm slightly let down that I was not chosen as an Omeganaut. I'm not much for competition but there's some burning desire inside me to lay the smack down on other gamers. I don't know if it's pride, pure desire for ridiculous fun, or the fact that I've been stuck in the middle of goddamn nowhere since August but damn do I want to compete.

I'm covering the Mass Effect 3 panel, which means I need to finish it up in the next couple of days and subsequently read through every single article documenting Whining2012.  I also need to give Super MNC a good fighting try, and not just a "oh god what the hell did they do" playthrough. I should probably also research this new NWN MMO at some point - Neverwinter Nights is one of my all time favorite games so I'm really hoping there's something promising there (like this pizza with mini-pizzas on it!).

Anyway,

Always.
Be.
ME3ing.

Weekend Escape

I'm excited to announce that I will be co-hosting a new show on the Destructoid channel called Weekend Escape along with Brett Zeidler, a contributor for Dtoid. I'm beyond giddy to be chatting with the community and forcing myself to have two hours of solid game time on the weekends. The show will run on Saturdays 3-5pm EST and will begin on Feb 25th.

We'll mainly be playing co-op games on Steam, and occasionally I may watch Brett play a game and yell at him for doing things wrong. This seems to be a common trend as I am currently nagging coaching him through Earthbound. Kids these days...

Anyway, come one come all, but be warned for those of my non-gamer friends and family that this will be super nerdy. If you're not used to the internet you may find it a bit strange having hundreds of random teenagers yell obscenities in a chat room. Hope to see you around!